I can't resist...

I just have to add:


Monkey monkey monkey monkey monkey

;)

Oh I am impatiently awaiting an end to this unseasonable heat in Portland. Guh! I hate hot! I was so glad to say goodbye to California forever and get away from heat, among other things. But noooo, it's followed me here. I miss the good ole air conditioning we had in Indiana. I feel sorry for my poor cat, but I think he's handling it better than I. Goofy kittie! I'm a cloudy day, 60 degree, rain or shine weather kind of person. It's easier to get warm than to get cool.

Late last night as I was trying to get to sleep, I was thinking of taking up poetry again. I just can't seem to get any good fiction ideas going. Well, I might get an idea, but then I stall after writing a little. Perhaps poetry or some flash fiction might help me get back into the swing of writing more than a paragraph a day.

My creative self is locked up in a small iron cage, deep down, far away from the light. How the hell do I get her out? How do I get her speaking, thinking, creating again? Who do I have to mangle to get my old creativity back?

What’s wrong with entertainment? Life is too short to be stuck up. Bring on the cartoons!

I often feel the need to relax, let go of daily stress and tension. Sometimes I just don’t feel like thinking. I heard once, from where I forget, that intelligent minds seek simple pleasures. I think it may have been Star Trek, but I think there is truth in it. Simple pleasures, things that can make you smile, forget about your worries, anything that can make you laugh and giggle, can’t be all bad.

Movies, music, TV, books, games; they have a multitude of genres and audiences, something for everyone. People have stuck up their noses at comedy, kids’ stuff, cartoons, games, etc. Why? What’s wrong with mindless entertainment once in awhile? Why is it necessary for some to berate others on their choices when they pick out things that aren’t literary or cutting edge, thought provoking? Why is it that people just can’t get along and respect other’s choices? Is it a requirement of the elite to pick on everyone else that seems not to fit the bill of the in-crowd of the day?

I ask questions that will receive no answer; on the other hand, I could get a lecture like no other. Big deal! If I want to read “crap” like Goodkind, I will damn well do it. Why? Because I like adventure stories, they are fun, and the writing is decent. If I am constantly distracted by an author’s attempt to squeeze some weird style into his writing, (i.e. Greg Bear’s Queen of Angels) I lose interest in the story. The fun escape is pretty much lost. It is the story that counts in entertainment reading, not so much the writing style. What I like is the kind of writing where I get totally lost in the story and forget I’m reading words on a page. Not to say that this is all I will read. If I find anything half as good as Stover’s works, I am happy. Since I’ve read Heroes Die, Blade of Tyshalle, Traitor, Shatterpoint, my standards have gone way up. But I will still read the pap fantasies once in awhile because I enjoy the escape from reality and the adventure, sometimes even the cheesy romance they throw in. (Elizabeth Hayden’s Symphony of Ages Series) However, I absolutely refuse to read romance novels. That, I purely cannot stand. It’s the equivalent of country music in my mind. Bleh, makes me cringe and roll my eyes just thinking about it. I guess that is my own little elitism coming to the surface.

On to cartoons. Yes, I am 31 years old, and I love cartoons! No, I’m not insane. Cartoons are the ultimate in mindless giggles. Shows like the Simpsons and Futurama, two of my personal favorites, may seem mindless on the surface, but if you pay attention, you will see the subtle jokes, the morality, and the lessons on life. So, it’s not all roadrunner chase scenes, but those are great, too. Toy Story, Monsters Inc., wonderful animated movies like these are truly the best. They make you laugh, cry and giggle ‘til the cat comes home, afterward, leaving you with a good, sunny feeling. Then, there are your typical violent cat and mouse cartoons, Tom and Jerry, Wile E. Coyote and Road Runner being the trend-setters. Great for the laughs and mental shut down. Who wants to worry about the world’s problems when Tom and Jerry are chasing each other through a house trashing everything in sight? The one time, I forget the name of the cartoon, but where the kid scientist leaves a record player strapped to his head over night to learn French, only to have it stick on the same phrase all night, and once he wakes up, that is all he can say. “Omelette du fromage?”

Entertainment, must, however be balanced with the good stuff, otherwise your mind wilts and you forget how to think.

Balance in all things.

I'm kind of disappointed. My idea involving the genetics thing, well, it's too much like other things I've been reading lately. I'll have to toss that for now, keep it on the back burner for some other time. I need to finish Old Mage's Home. Soon, precious, soon.

You never really think it will happen to you. But, the economy WILL bite you in the ass when you least expect it. It's happened twice in the last year. Boy, does it suck! I need to get off my lazy, unmotivated ass and get some writing gigs or webdesign gigs or something. Oye!

Things to think about: world building sci-fi background, Earth-like.

Will our civilization grow more hostile or more wussy (think Judge Dred)? More sterile? Engineered? Barbaric? Are we really destined to destroy ourselves? Will humanity always have its head up its ass? Will hippies rule the earth?

Independence Day has renewed my aversion to country music. Small town festivals get the country bands, the bad rock cover bands, the many-voice singing groups, to perform at their big to-do. All I can say is UGH! STOP!! Bleh! Gimme a beer! Country music makes me depressed and want beer. Nevermind the multitudes of fat people, young people with attitudes, if you accidently graze past them with your eyes. You are not cool enough to look at me!! I hope I was not like that as a kid, matter of fact, I seriously doubt it, I was never cool. I was a nerd, geek through and through. I was lucky not to be laughed at constantly. But that is another story.

Hometown festivals can be fun, I guess, if you're into that sort of thing. Thankfully, they are better than most county fairs - no cows. There were pony rides though, poor ponies! My little 16 month old cousin was not happy with it, but she was fascinated by the pony behind the one she was riding. She discovered the joys of cotton candy, clutching one piece in one hand, reaching to Mom for another with the other hand. Kids = walking sugar rush. It was a nice time, got to see some of the family, walk around outside, get my feet dusty, watch idiots launch aerial fireworks in trailerparks. Dumbasses!

Reading now has melted into Heroes Die for the second time around. I have a couple other pap fantasy novels to read, but needed something more substantial for the moment.

I'm again questioning my reasoning for wanting to continue writing. Sometimes I just think I should drop it. Sometimes I think I can't drop it. I am a Jill of all trades, master of none. Oh how true this is! I can do a little with a lot of things, but I just can't seem to find one thing that I love to do, that I'm actually good enough at to pursue seriously. Sure, I can draw, sure, I can write, photograph, do graphic design, web design, but I feel like nothing I do is good enough to pursue as a career goal, or serious hobby. There is always someone, even people I know, who are so much better at things I do, that I think, why bother anymore. Why should I try? What's in it if I do? What will I miss if I don't try? Sometimes I just don't want to do a damn thing.

Are you an intellectual or a poet, dear Gemini, a novelist or a playwright? The celestial energy is leaving you alone with your anxieties and questions. You are sure of only one thing: words are friends you have decided to spend the rest of your life with. This is a kind of dream and a challenge that corresponds well to your Gemini identity. Get to work. You will find your vocation, as well as your passion, in your writing...
june 12th, 2003

That was one horoscope last month. I don't really believe in that stuff, but it's entertaining. That was the best one I've seen, so close to my doubts and thoughts at the time. I wouldn't base the rest of my life on these words but I was pretty giggly thinking that maybe I'm not wasting my time.

Why do bad things happen to good people? I've heard this asked many times, experienced asking it myself. Now, I ask it again. Why? What is it that strikes people down when they should be living a happy life? My cousin, I've known her since she and her twin sister were three months old. They are like the sisters I never had. Well, she has cancer. It hurts to think of it, she just had a baby. I hope to god that she pulls through it ok. I have to sit here at work, and try not to get all mushy. I don't know how far along it is, if they caught it early enough, I just don't know. I hate to think that her little boy may lose his mother. I hate to think of the worst. I will try hard to be positive and not panicy.

;/ I have nothing important or interesting to say today. I just want a nap.

Today is Tuesday. OYE! Can I please go home now? So...tired! blah well anyway...

I am about three quarters done with Requiem for the Sun. It's turned itself around. Turns out the new character was really an old character we all believed to be dead, and had hoped. The tension has gone through the roof. This may be a little pappy, but she really knows how to make you care about the characters. They are complex and flawed, but still very likeable, even if at times, you want to bonk them on the head for being completely stupid. The bad guys are just plain evil..EVIIILLL. Makes my skin crawl to think of them. However....she is working on a fifth book as I read number four. I hope she doesn't pull a Jordan.

Spent a little time on Saturday working on some story stuff. I realized that one project I have on the burner will need a lot of research to make it feasible. Must...get..to...library. One little article in Discover just ain't gonna cut it.

I want to pick up another copy of A Signal to Noise, by Eric S. Nylund and read the two books again. Those were darn good. The funny thing about working in Marin County (before I moved back to Oregon). My old boss was a sci-fi guy. He loaned me the first book. After I had read Heroes Die and Blade of Tyshalle the first time, I loaned them to him...and never saw them again :p But, I broke down and got new copies last month so that's cool now.